My Sex Journal by Anna Capricorn Copyright© 2023 by Anna Capricorn Chapter 1 Growing Up 16 November 2019 Little bumps. That’s how it started with me. A distinct noticeable swelling of my boobs. And wow ... the nipples suddenly became almost painfully sensitive. Mum bought me a trainer bra almost immediately. I found putting it on every day made me feel really grown up, and the material – even though it was just cotton – made my nipples stand up. Then there was down below. I noticed a difference in my usual discharge. It became thicker, whiter, and smelled musky. I grew a patch of darker, more noticeable hair, and although it was nothing like a full-on bush, it was certainly different from my previously bald vulva. And then there were the feelings. I found I loved tracing my fingers over my boobs and nipples. It not only made them tingle, but also started me tingling between my legs. I discovered that lying on my bed with my legs open was a thrill, and sometimes, I would plant my feet close to my bum and let my knees flop apart. I always imagined this was how Mum lay when she was having sex, and it made me tingle all the more. Tingling leads to touching, right? So I would tease my little A-cup boobs, and stroke myself over my panties. Then one day I slipped my hand under the elastic and found that I felt wet and slick to the touch. I wasn’t brave enough to push a finger inside me (I’d heard from friends it could hurt and you might bleed) but I found my clit! Yay! Playing with my little hard nub made me arch my back as the feeling grew quickly in intensity. It felt like I was approaching something, but it also felt like I would wet myself, so to begin with, I would stop when the feeling got too intense. Of course, I talked to other girls. I’m sure there was some crap going on. Some of my friends said they had went all the way with boys. One girl confessed she had done it ‘by accident’ with her own brother. But a girl I really knew well and trusted told me, when we were alone, that she had done exactly what I’d done. She said she had felt this amazing feeling, but got scared that she would pee. This is what she said: “Then one day, I just thought fuck this. I put a few towels on the bed just in case. I still had my panties on and I got to the point where I usually stop, but this time I carried on. The feeling seemed to level out and I was really disappointed. Then I got cross with it and actually tried to pee – then it happened! I came! I didn’t pee but, oh Anna, the feeling just kept going!” With this in mind, that night, I went to the bathroom first and peed, then I did what my friend did. I brought towels, put them on my bed and took my panties off. I felt really slutty lying there with my knees apart and in my head I imagined a cute boy I knew looking at me. I felt the feeling coming and like my friend I tried to pee. I knew I wouldn’t because I had just been to the bathroom. I can’t describe the feeling! I felt contractions, wave after wave of contractions. They started deep in my tummy, and I felt my bumhole contract too. I remember thinking dirty words to myself like fuck ... cunt ... spunk. Anything I knew that was rude, anything I knew was crude. It really helped. When I’d finished, I felt different somehow. Like I’d taken a step forward to adult life. From that day, masturbation became a daily thing for me. I even did it when I had my period. Somehow, I felt even more horny then. I also learned something about the power of my body. I saw boys taking an interest. I knew they tried to see down my top or up my skirt, and by the time I was fourteen, I really played to the crowd. I would sit with my knees apart and watch out the corner of my eye as boys or teachers looked at my panties. Knowing that it was only my underwear that was between my vulva and them made me wet and tingly. Chapter 2 Masturbation and Me 18 November 2019 Masturbation is a daily thing for me. When I started to masturbate, I used to strip naked every time. Being naked felt sexy, dirty. Just taking my clothes off made me feel horny. If it had been a hot, sweaty day, so much the better. I liked the scent of myself. But then I discovered that wet panties needn’t feel yucky. Yucky is a state of mind. So I turned it into something else. I decided I would teach myself to see my wetness as a sexual thing, the feel of it, the smell of it. I loved seeing the mess I made when I took my underwear off after one of those wet days that all girls know. I would, I admit, smell myself, and taste myself too. Sometimes, it made me wonder what another girl might smell and taste like, and from time to time, from the age of sixteen or so, I had lesbian fantasies. A friend told me she peed her panties sometimes. She dropped it into conversations to the point when I realised she was trying to tell me something. “I got locked out,” she once said. “I was trying to get in and I wet myself.” Or she might say, “I needed the bathroom, I knew I wouldn’t make it ... I wet myself.” It was only when I realised that she lived in the country and yes, although it was a fair walk from the bus stop to her home, there were plenty of fields and even some woods that she could easily have peed in and not done it in her underwear, that made me realise this was sexual. So I tried it. Even knowing I was going to do it felt great! When I actually got to squatting down (I did it outside) and holding my skirt up, I was already very wet there. And then – I felt that warm wetness spreading, but it was way more than the feeling, it was rebellious, dirty, naughty. I felt my clit buzzing and pulsing and I rubbed myself even before I’d finished pissing. It was a really deep, almost savage cum! Oh, it’s not something I do all the time, far from it. But now and then ... well ... a change is good, right? My friend has a girlfriend now. (Who knew? I didn’t see it coming.) Even so, she still tells me stuff. I often wonder if she ever had desires for me, and what I would have done if she had acted in them. I would probably have gone along with it for the experience, I think. Sometimes, she and her girlfriend pee on each other. Initially I felt ooh, yucky but somewhere at the back of my mind, I kind of got it. Sometimes, I masturbate using the shower head. A jet on my clit does it every time. I suppose, if I was in that kind of mood, a girl or a guy peeing on my clit ... well, what’s the difference? Hmm ... sexy thoughts. I need to take care of myself now. Chapter 3 Then ... Why Not Now? 20 November 2019 When I was young, around fourteen years old, I realised the power my body had to attract. Boys – and men – would try to look up my skirt. Far from hating this, sometimes I encouraged it. Oh, I was far too innocent to let anything happen then, but I do remember how wet I got. I knew guys were looking and I would play with myself afterwards, imagining what they would do if given the chance. So, if then, why not now...? Well, now is different. I’m not a shy little fourteen-year-old any more, and take a look at the news: girls get raped if they take too many risks these days. Even so ... the thrill is in the forbidden, right? This morning I was on the train, feeling horny, and although I hadn’t deliberately dressed for what I did, I was wearing a skirt and my legs were bare. If I’d thought about it before I left home, I might well have worn some more interesting panties than the Plain Janes I was wearing. I had just normal white cotton panties, the sort I wore most of my life at school. So there I sat feeling horny, but because I couldn’t do anything about it, I was grumpy as fuck too. (And maybe a bit premenstrual. Like many girls, for some reason I’m really randy when I’m on, but in this case, I still had a week to go.) I saw a guy glancing at me now and then. Every girl knows what this is like. As soon as we get boobs, guys check us out; it just goes with being female. He was sitting diagonally opposite me and neither of us had anyone else anywhere near us. It happened almost without me meaning it to. I just shifted in my seat and let my knees part. I knew damn well he could see right up to my crotch. I pretended to fish around in my bag. Girls’ bags are like caves, and we keep an amazing amount of stuff in there. Anything from tampons to loose change. I rummaged around for some time, while he got a good eyeful. Oh, but it got me so hot! When I felt I couldn’t really keep it going any longer for decency’s sake, I sat back straight and primly crossed my legs ... which put a delicious pressure on my already swollen clit. I neither knew nor cared anything about this guy, although I did notice a wedding ring. So, married then. He must have been in his forties, I guess, and as I sat there gently squeezing my things together – something I learned to do in school – I let myself think about what he might do later at home. Would he fuck his wife? Would he get her to dress like me? Would he think of me as he came inside her? All this brought me nicely to the point of no return, and I came into my underwear. I covered it with a couple of coughs and a pretend sneeze. That felt so great! Fuck! Now, as I write this, I can’t describe how good it was. It reminded me of giving myself a buzz in school. Although I never quite managed to cum in class, I got very, very close. Certainly close enough to make a mess in my underwear and need to finish the job as soon as I got some privacy. I got off the train, feeling the stickiness between my legs, and immediately thought of the guy on the train; maybe he couldn’t wait until he got home that night; maybe he had to go and finish himself off, imagining me. That made me have to visit the toilets and rub another one out. Oddly, although my train man was the starting point, what got me off was looking at the mess in the crotch of my underwear. I had creamed a lot and had obviously been leaking since I left home. A cum on the train had resulted in quite a lot more. It almost looked like I’d been fucked and it was spunk that had leaked out of me. That’s what made me cum that second time, in the toilets. Unusually, I didn’t have a spare pair of panties in my bag, so I had to spend the rest of the day feeling very, very wet.